It’s been a few days since I published my book, and I just thought I’d share a few observations with you now that I'm both older and wiser. After all, there are tons of blogs out there telling you ‘how to’ do it, whereas I’m contemplating beginning my own series ‘how not to’.
Observation #1. Your non-writery friends will be delighted for you,
“Oh wow, you got a publishing deal! Congratulations! You must be so chuffed! Well done! Brilliant brilliant brilliant!”
whereas fellow writers snigger up their sleeves because they know full well you’d have never gone down this route if you’d been able to interest a proper publisher. So
Observation #2. You will feel like a total fraud.
Observation #3. You will see pound signs ringing up in your ex-spouse’s eyes because the only writers he knows are J.K. Rowling and Ian Rankin, so he’s calculating just how much maintenance you’re going be paying him once those royalties start gushing in. You’ll decide not to enlighten him to postpone the inevitable having him point out your fraudulent status and decided lack of smarts.
Observation #4. You will wake up in the middle of the night in a sweaty panic having just realised you forgot to include a title or a copyright page. Furthermore, you will be unable to rectify this since those non-writery friends have already bought first copies ready to cash in when you finally morph into J.K. Rowling, so you have to face up to the fact that yes, when everyone receives their copies of a highly unprofessional looking book, they’re all going to know you are a. an utter fraud, and b. a total numpty for not ordering a preview copy because you thought you were clever and got it right just checking online.
Need I say more?